When life falls apart. Rebuild.

The last I posted was two years ago. I actually planned to never post again. But months ago one of my best friends causally mentioned that I should start my art mommy blog again because at least I have something to say. I scoffed and said yeah in a million years and said goodnight. But the thing is that that small statement has wormed its way into my head and I cant get it out.

I last posted 2 years ago, I was trying to be okay with a life and marriage imploding. I was desperately trying to hold the shattering fragments of my life and dreams with my bare hands. I wanted to have everything be Instagram and Pintrest perfect. That shiny filter of success and ease. The perfect wife. The perfect mother. The perfect daughter. The perfect friend. I wanted my life to meet the approval of others and this blog was going to prove it. It was going to show a journey of pretty living and smooth sailing. I was going to put a candy coloured coating on all the bad spots until they disappeared.

But two years happened. And my life imploded. My marriage ended in fire and brimstone. Ugly words and lies. Petty actions and heart break that is so indescribable that I wont ever go into detail. I became a part time single mom in which my daughter goes between two houses the ambassador to two camps that do not speak. I have lost jobs; in fact I cant seem to keep a job in this town. I have lost home and family. My father has become so ill that I feel sometime that I have lost him forever. My ADHD became unmanageable and guess what I am depressed and needing treatment for that as well. Two years happened and I hit rock bottom and continued to fall.

Two years happened. And I discovered what it was like to be a phoenix. I started to know true strength. I started to make amazing friends again; those of who with out I would be so lost in the dark. I started to became aware of faith so fragile that a single breath would shatter it and yet it guards my sanity. I started to dream about my future again. I started to work on healing myself and protecting myself. I started to follow my true passions. I started.

My life is no where near Instagram or Pintrest worthy. I am so messed up that some days I have trouble functioning. My house is a mess,  I am with out steady work and I rely on the charity of others to get by most days. I take medications to help me heal and control the run away trains in my brain. I struggle. I struggle with so much that I thought I had reason to be ashamed.

But that one sentence spoke off hand to me wont leave my head. That I have something to say. And I do. I have things to say and I am not sure if anyone is going to listen but maybe just maybe there is someone struggling out there. Someone who has had their heart broken. Someone who is struggling with issues like ADHD or depression. Someone who just feels like the worst failure in the world. Maybe they will read this and not feel so alone. I want to share my journey. I want to show that brokenness can lead to completion and that it is not a straight path. That it is so messy and ugly that it seems like things will never become whole again.

I am not starting this from the sad beginning or the happy ending but from the messy middle. If you would like to join me on this path I would be honored. I wont be consistent with the posts; the ADHD will get the better on me for that one. But I wont candy coat the the dark parts and maybe that will make the bright parts all that much brighter. This wont be an artsy mommy blog, this will be life. My life. Feel free to follow along.

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not my image.
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Life got AWAY from me.

Oh. My. Lord.

I swear I didn’t abandon this blog. But I will admit that life has gotten away from me a bit.

Lets see what has happened since my first post. Well we moved to Saskatchewan. The move itself was quick but when we got to our destination we found that the house we were moving into needed a lot of repair work. The basement needed to be gutted (there was a bit of a mold problem). The upstairs had been left in a state of disrepair by the previous tenants so it had to be fixed up and repainted. The cool thing about renting from family means that we get pretty much free rein on how to fix the place up but it all goes towards rent.

I had taken really good documentation of the refurbishing of our house BUT my cell phone unfortunately took a swim so I lost all the pictures. The good news is I am eventually going to show you all the completed house once I find time to clean that is. Probably see a lot of it in posts on Christmas activities.

In other news I have recently been hired by Prince Albert and Area Community Kitchen Partnership as their coordinator. The Ck Partnership vision is that all residents of P.A. and area will realize food security in their lives. We do this by setting up kitchens that teach people meal planning, budgeting, smart shopping, and cooking skills. This is all done in a fun and informative setting.

I have to say that I am quiet excited about this job. It is something completely out of the realm of what I am use to and it has a positive impact on the community. Plus it means I get to do my second favorite thing to do on my time off; cooking and playing in the kitchen! Also since I work from home I get to be mommy as well.

So we have our house and shelter. I have gainful employment. But that doesn’t mean I have been completely without my creative streak. The projects again have no pictures due to ruined phone but I have been making Evie dresses, apple butter and even doing some mix media art on the side.

Oh! That reminds me! I have an amazing office/studio space all set up in out basement. You all will be seeing lots of it as I post new art blogs.

So now that I am finally settled in my house and you all are caught up with the last few months of chaos we can all look forward to more frequent posts. I have lots of plans of this Christmas season and I want all of you to come along for the journey.

 

Look forward to have you along for my creative adventure.

 

Mika =]

 

p.s. I also completed something on my bucket list during our move … I ran in the Canadian federal election. Funny enough it was for the Green Party. Now my political ambitions are over. Maybe.

 

A fresh start.

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Hi!

So life changes. Quickly it seems. Only less than two weeks ago my husband Byron and I decided that the life we were living here in BC wasn’t working so we would move to Saskatchewan. At the end of the month. Yes this month we hit the road on Friday. Meaning I am starting this new online adventure in the midst of frantic packing (which seems to be an adventure all of its own when you have a 15 month old that seems to move as if she has ingested a whole bag of sugar).

For those of you who know me you know this is not the easiest decision for me. I feel like a bit of a black sheep in a smaller conservative prairie town but with this change comes the opportunity to chase a dream of mine. I am taking this time to focus on being a mother, stretching my wings as an artist, and focusing on becoming the wife I want to be.

The last two years haven’t been the easiest for me but I am taking this chance to grow and press the hard reset on my outlook.

For now though I am just trying to survive the packing process going from zero to moving half a country away in two weeks is a bit mind-blowing. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we get in gear and on the road this week.

Stay tuned as I will up date you guys as soon as I am able!!

Mika =]

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